This conversation popped up in my memories feed today. And as I reread it, I'm wondering how much we've grown in our thinking in the past year. Here are my two thoughts:
1) The "Choices" Debate... I agree that not every misbehavior in children (with high or low ACEs) is a conscious choice. We actually know this based on what we know about the development of the prefrontal cortex. I do think that there are times that behavior is a choice though (for both children with high and low ACEs) and it takes a stable caring adult relationship that is willing to be curious about what triggered the behavior, if it was a choice or a reaction, and how best to respond to the moment. I also think we should ask what another "choice" would have been in response. I think using that word helps the child understand that they can make choices- that it helps to build those pathways in their brains to begin to see different options rather than getting stuck in reaction mode. This has to be done when both the adult and the child are regulated and not in the heat of the moment "What were you thinking??!?!?!" kind of reaction. 2) I am growing more and more nervous that within a very short period of time we are going to be seeing Zones of Regulation check-ins go down the same path as our Assertive Discipline clip-charts (see my thoughts on those in a previous post). I hear of so many administrations that are mandating daily check-ins with each students, and I've seen the variety of cute ways that teachers are setting up charts, jars, Google Forms, and desk cards in their classrooms. I know that you all have the best of intentions at heart, but hear me out. There is a natural progression that comes with being a trauma-informed building - and it doesn't happen overnight (more on this to come in an upcoming post). As teachers are beginning this journey and we are requiring a daily check-in for how students are entering the room, we might first ask ourselves several questions:
Understanding the impact of trauma is likely the most groundbreaking change to education in history. It is being referred to as The Theory of Everything. It feels as if it is the missing link to so many critical challenges we face as a society. We can't afford to let this be just another pendulum swing. This cannot be another thing that we package into a boxed curriculum that is mandated, over systemized, and eventually becomes pushed to the side when the next shiny thing promising results comes along. We have to do this right. Everything depends on it.
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Two years ago my community was confronted by a threat made on our local high school. As is the case in our world of gut reaction, social media, and keyboard commandos I found myself caught in the middle of very conflicting thoughts and emotions. Today, as I continue my work with helping schools in their journey to become Trauma-Informed, this post came up on my Facebook Memories page. It feels important to share it again here:
Aaron* is one of my kids. He was in my class as a fifth grader, and like all others, has remained in my heart for the years after. You've likely heard the stories about the "stuff in his pockets" and "the water turned to holy grape juice in my closet." He made me laugh everyday. He also had the messiest desk ever, and still holds the record for late assignments. I ran into him frequently after he went on to middle school and high school. He always took time to stop and chat, I'd ask him if he was caught up on school work and we'd both laugh remembering the rounds we went in my effort to help him learn better organization and time management. This is the second time in a year that I have been this close to news like this. Both times my heart has ached, while my head struggles to understand. As a teacher the fear of ever having to protect my students from an attack is on the top of my list. But to have one of those kids that I would have likely walked in front of a bullet for to be the one making the threat makes my feelings explode in ways I can't comprehend. I believe in this case that the charge was justified, and the sentencing appropriate-but that doesn't make it easier to swallow. And while I understand the fear and anger that this causes in our community, it further weighs on my heart that this child and his family are being publicly stoned via social media. He made a mistake, a big one. He will pay for it with his time, his heart, his reputation, his future. His family is paying a price too. The gravity of this situation is not helped by the venom being spewed via your keyboard. Aaron" is a good kid. I've had students I worried about this kind of thing with; and I actively tried to get those kids help. Stayed awake at night thinking about how I could be an advocate for change in their lives. But I didn't see that in Aaron*. Perhaps things changed for him 5 years since he left my classroom-or perhaps I missed the signs. Not sure. Here's my point. If it could be Aaron*, it could be anyone. Let's please stop with the hate, and instead look closely at those we love. Are we seeing all that is there? Are we missing something? Is there a student in your class slipping through the cracks? A child in your neighborhood? Your home? Does it make you squirm inside and light a fire inside you to hear that? If so, good. It takes a village, and if you have time to be hateful online, you have time to build a relationship with a child in your life to prevent someone else from going down this dark and lonely road. For Aaron*, I pray that he is able to receive help while he is serving his sentence. I pray he finds a piece of hope for his future, that he may someday be able to put this behind him. I pray for his family. That their hearts and minds be at peace and that they can continue to show their son love and support. And I pray for our community, that we can see that we can choose to show compassion and concern rather than fill our town with judgement and hate. |
AuthorHope guides me in all endeavors. In both my professional and personal life I see opportunities to share and spread hope with others so that they too may develop pathways to see great possibilities in their lives. I believe in the power of engaged educators to build significant relationships with young people to encourage, inspire, and build great lives. This blog is a collection of my thoughts on education, hope, connecting, and engaging. Archives
July 2018
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